She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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