You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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