WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize