I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
