So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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