Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
