Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
