I accidentally had phone sex last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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