I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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