not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
