Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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