Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
