Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
