kristin has been a bad kristin
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
