I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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