where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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