Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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