She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize