im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
