i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
