So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
