Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
