I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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