imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
