So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
