i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
