Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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