Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
