I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize