So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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