I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm getting married
To pizza
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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