it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
