I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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