I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
