that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
