you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just cropdusted the office
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
