someone threw a dead crab at me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
