Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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