And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
