North Korea, Best Korea!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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