He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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