the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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