after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
