I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
