garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
