I wannas sexs uuuuu
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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