You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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