It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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