I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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