maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Lo siento on account of my penis...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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