i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he was CRYING into my vagina
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There r osticjed everywhere
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
