did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
