Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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