the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
