so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
