I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
