i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
