your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
