He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
