Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
