She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
