Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
