some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.