After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first