yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.