So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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