You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
