I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize