CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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