We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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